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FLUFF In My Head

I suppose the thing I want to blog about tonight can’t actually be blogged about, to be honest.  I just don’t want to be getting my friends angry when we’ve already had an incredibly rough day.  I’ll be glad that when we’re all done with whatever we’re doing, I can fall into bed and sleep.  I gussied myself up for a night out and ended up not going.  I can understand why but I wish things would go as planned for once.

There’s so much that’s currently unbloggable that I wish I could just get out of my head once and for all – but I can’t do that.  Not even under a password protected post.  I’m sitting in the park and it’s almost midnight.  There are actually kids playing tag, they must be ten or nine or something, shouting and shrieking and laughing.  A cat streaked across the park earlier, really skittish of people, just wanting to get where she was going in peace.

I hope you all understand that some days are simply not writeable – I can’t even think tonight.  So I’ll finish up, post this, do what else I have to do, and then go home.

I Believe In A Thing Called Love

Fell out with my mother again.  I’ve asked her and asked her, repeatedly, to stop referring to Dragonwolf as something almost non-human.  She doesn’t understand how I feel, and she thinks that I’m ruining my life being with him.  Actually, her take is that he dragged me down with him, whatever the hell that means.  I don’t like the way she talks to me about, well, anything really, especially when she thinks I’m wasting my life.  I do have my aspirations, still, and I do plan on going back to school, as soon as the time is right and everything’s in order moneywise.

I have a feeling that she thinks my relationship with Dragonwolf is all based on sex.  And believe you me, sex is a good part of things, as is in any relationship I’ve ever observed, but all of my friends out here, our neighbors, have seen us together at various times of the day being anything but sexual.  In the kitchen, arguing about what to make for dinner and how to make it, in the living room, discussing who has the laptop for the day/hour.  We are a normal couple.  We do things together AS WELL AS apart from each other.  We cuddle, we discuss books and video games.

I would rather not have to explain my feelings for him to my parents or family – they should KNOW, they’ve been married how long?????  It irks me!

*SIGH*

Dusty.

I couldn’t believe this, but I was poking through old stuff and found this:  The journal I kept on our three day trip to Wyoming.

October 21, 2004

 

We are on our way to Laramie, Wyoming.  Currently, we’re stopped at a gas station, somewhere near Cheyenne.  Mom bought me a little stuffed paint horse at Cabela’s.  I’ve named him Cheyenne.  He’s so cute!

We’ve been on the road for a bit over five hours so far, and I was totally half-asleep for most of the time—so I missed a lot.  Or so my dad kidded.

This is definitely as far West as I’ve ever been.  We passed a TON of desert on our way here.  This is definitely horsey-territory—there were lots of horses scattered among the trillion beef cows in the fields (and on their own, too).

There’s hardly anything out here, except for the rock structures.  There’s obviously more stuff on the way (and I can hardly wait to see it all), but for now I am dead bored.  Except for Cheyenne and obviously the real horses.

Mom said earlier that it was a lot like a huge farmland, because there are hardly any territorial markings.  Our main focus in coming out here are the mountains, and it’s all new to me.  It’s a real western picture—so much land, hardly any civilization.

We’re totally not in Omaha anymore.

 

I’ve brought a ton of books, but I’ve only been reading in the car so far.  When we get to Laramie, I’m going to be way too busy scouting out mountains and SHOPPING and even boy-watching.  (This is cowboy territory, after all!)

Beth would love it out here.  We just passed a giant cut-out-style sculpture of a coyote howling at the moon.  Sweet.

 

BZ: Sweet?  Hardly!

D: Dumb Bzethio bitch.

BZ: DIE!

D: Eep, er, Aly, a little help…

A: Sorry, QB’s the only one who has the word…

D: I AM GOING TO DIE!!!

A: No you’re not.

(A word too late.  BZ strung D to the bumper.  He’s half flying in the air.)

D: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

(A/N: Can you tell I’m a bored backseat girl?)

M: Bzethio…  Why is Dhani always at the top of your “To Kill” list?

BZ: Because he’s a blazing asshole/pain in my ass.

Am: You better not let Aurysa hear you.

A: (at the mention of Aurysa gags) Do not say that bitch’s name around me!

Am: Sorry.

M: Cool it, Aly.

S: (reeling D back in the car) Bzethio, we need to gag and tie you up and then toss you in the desert to starve to death.

BZ: You wish, ugly one!

SMACK!

BZ:: *_*

S: You never learn, do you?

 

LATER

 

Blazing along at cow’s speed.  Goddess, there’s basically nothing out here.  We passed the Welcome to Wyoming sign and I got some scenery recorded on the video camera.  Otherwise, the only exciting things have been visits to El Bzethio’s demented way of thinking.

BZ: Why, you—

A: Cool it, BZ.

S: Yeah, hon, that’s the only kind of compliment anyone will ever give you.

BZ: Nuts to your compliments!

S: Look BZ, for all I care you can stick your stupid ugly empty head down the crapper and flush it.  Your complaints are shitting on my parade.

A: Go, Sara!  Kick her ass!

D: No me like BZ Bitchie Woman Thingie.

Am: Now that was a—

A: Don’t say it.

Am: …blast from the past.

A: (eyes roll) Here we go again.

D: Blast from the past is like a kick in the asst gonna hang you from a mast!!!

S: Where’s QB when you need her?

A: Back at the palace tending to Sesshomaru’s last battle wounds.

S: She coulda brought him along!

A: Not really.  He’d probably have at it and kill Dhani or Amit here.

M: Yes.  Thank Goddess we left Chibi at my mom’s.

A: Your mom is infinitely patient.

D: She’ll need all the patience she can get with that little sugar ball.  She’s worse than me. Seriously.

S: Oh, Goddess…

BZ: You people need either a big kick in the crotch or a syringe filled with arsenic.

S: You want another piece of me, Bzethio?

BZ: Llp.  No.

S: Then shut your hole!

 

Later

 

We are driving through some absolutely incredible rock formations in the mountain range.  We’re about 15 miles to Laramie now and I am totally breathless.  Also saw lots of antelope and horses.  These are truly breathtaking mountains.

The formations we saw were and probably still are sacred to the Native American peoples.  Over time, they will keep being pushed upward by plate tectonics.

Also abundant are lots of trees and sage, which is a migrating plant and, when loose, is called tumbleweed.  It puts down roots when it rains.  (I only just learned that from my dad, the Endless Pit of Knowledge.)

All this red dirt is beautiful, which sounds crazy, but it is.

 

Later

 

Here we are at our hotel, the Best Value Inn.  It’s nice; small, but nice.  We’ll be heading downtown within the next fifteen minutes.  So I’d better go.  More later, maybe before I go to sleep.

 

Later…

 

Happily settled in back at the hotel.  Just thinking about how much Beth would have loved the restaurant we went to for dinner tonight: Cactus Jack’s!  It’s this totally eclectic Mexican place.  The decorations were SO COOL!  They had actually tacked antique flamenca dresses on the walls, alongside sombrero hats and mariachi paintings.  FABULOUS!

We also visited a bunch of antique shops.  One of them actually had an 1880s genuine Iroquois beaded suit!!!!  Totally gorgeous.

 

M: I loved it too!

S: You , Aly, and your insufferable love for ballgowns drive me NUTS!

A: Isn’t that exactly what Marie and I were put on this earth to do?

BZ: OR WORSE!

S: Shut up, Bitchethio!

BZ: DIE!

S: BITE ME!

A: (to Marie) Let’s leave them to it!

M: Agreed.

 

Holed-up here, writing and watching T.V.  It’s been a long but entirely fabulous day.  We are all tired, tired, tired and we will go to bed soon so that tomorrow we can get up at a decent hour and go into the mountains.  That will be fun.

 

BZ: Fun, fun, fun…  That’s all you think about.

A: Well, since your idea of fun is killing people, you’re the one who’s always thinking about fun.

BZ: Fun SUCKS!!!

A: Suit yourself, El Bzethio.  Or should I say, La Bzethia.

BZ: Why you piece of—

WHAM!

A; Ah, ah, AH!

 

Hehehehe.

I am so wasted.

 

 

 

October 22, 2004

 

Checked out of the hotel.  On our way to the mountains.  Cows scattered all over the total nothingness.  Moo.

 

WE JUST SAW A REAL LIVE COYOTE!!!!!

I’m sure it wasn’t a wolf, it was too small.  Dad got some video of it so we’ll see later.

 

Later
Went to a little shop in Centennial, Wyoming.  The population is only 100 people, and the elevation is over 8,000 feet.  Whew!  That’s like .2 of Omaha!!  Geez Louise!

This car is a royal mess.  Oh, well.

 

“I LIKE LIVING IN THE FAST LANE, BUT I’M MARRIED TO A SPEED BUMP.”

“I WAS DEEP IN THOUGHT.  IT’S UNFAMILIAR TERRITORY.”

 

Later
Watching four completely unfazed mule deer who are grazing by the road.  Beautiful.  Mom actually got out of the car and was talking to them.

Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.

 

Later

 

This is just incredible!  We passed Lake Marie, which is surrounded by mountain.  It’s snowing up here, which is weird considering that back in Omaha, it’s only just starting to get really cold.  It’s freezing up here.

Thankfully we haven’t had any major snow-related problems concerning the roads.  It’s getting really snowy.  I hope we won’t have a whiteout on our way to Saratoga.  LOL!

We’re turning around now to scale back down the mountain.  It’s getting really snowy, reallt fast up there.  Dad’s just got out the stupid video camera AGAIN.  Geez.

Anyway, it looks like we’re not going to Saratoga at this rate.  We’ll be headed back to Centennial.  I guess.

 

Am: Ha, ha, you guessed wrong!

A: So we’re cruising back to Sydney.  Shut it.

M: (rolls eyes) So what was that crazy Dan daydreaming you were doing back in the mountains?

A: We were at Lake Marie, Marie.  HA HA HA!

M: (blushes) Oh, hush.

A: Anyway, every time I see a lake, I think Dan, because he did lifeguarding at camp.

S: Okay, so we’re headed back to that dumbass Cabela’s store or whatever.

A: So?

S: So remember what happened last time?

<BEGIN FLASHBACK SEQUENCE>
D: Oooooohhhh…  Fishing rods…

A: Dhani don’t—

S/E: Chkkkkkkkkk-k-k-k

A: (slaps forehead) Touch that.  Urgh.

D: Hello?  A little help here?

M: Oh…  My…  Goddess…  (wide eyes)

BZ: HA! HA!  HA!  He’s strung up by his undies!  HA!

D: (groan) It’s not funny.

M: Sara or Aly…  go page someone for help…

S: There shouldn’t be hooks on those things.

A: Amen.

<END FLASHBACK>

A: Gerh.  Bad memories abound on this trip.

S: No kidding.

D: Yeah, I mean, who would’ve thought that we’d be sailing along in a car with El Bzethio and without Queen Beth.

Am: It’s…  it’s all just so…  so…  wrong.

D: Agreed.  (Assumes wide-eyed-back-to-Dhani-demented-dreamland gaze)

S: Dumbass.

A: You know, Sara, you shouldn’t be so hard on Dhani.

S: And why not?

A: Because his big sister dropped him on his head when he was a baby, and he’s always been this way.

S: Dumbass!  (Whacks D on head)

A: Nnngghhhhhhrghhhhh…  (rolls eyes) I give up.

 

On to Omaha.  Goddess, that was a short trip.

Probably I’m going to keep skitwriting as we make our way to Omaha.  There’s really nothing else to do.  We’ll be on the road for like another four hours, which is going to truly bore the crap out of me.  Ah well, thank Goddess my mind is still whirring.

 

While we were in Cabela’s, I was able to prove Mom wrong about the coyote thing.  The critter we saw run across the road earlier was definitely a coyote, not a wolf like my mom thought and insisted.  At the store there is a large taxidermy display, with huge stuffed bears, elk, deer, foxes, etc.  The display included a gray wolf and a coyote.  I showed mom the coyote and she pretty much immediately saw that the critter we saw was definitely a coyote.

 

Much, much, much, MUCH later

 

Finally home.  Really need a shower.  Exceedingly sleepy.  No more.  Must go

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ME

THAT was my old journal.  I can’t remember half the things we saw, and this was back when I was 17 or so.  I wrote it in this old notebook in the car, at the hotel, pretty much anywhere.  I do remember getting lost and stuck in “desert highway traffic.”

I’ve been finding lots of my old memories on this computer, stuff I typed up when I was still living with my parents.  Perhaps, with a little clean up, I can post them up here later on.

Snarf!

Lots going on, with not much time to do it in.  Dragonwolf and I worry about things so much, and I think it’s finally gotten to us.  We had our first official, true fight last night and I don’t think I want to go through that again…  It’s strange because we’ve always been able to snarf at each other and then put it aside.  But for some reason it keeps hitting us over and over…  And I don’t think he understands that since I’m currently still the only one of us working and paying rent (and almost everything else, too), that I’m stressed beyond words and I don’t want him thinking that I love him less simply because he’s just now trying to get work again.  He can’t help that he had a doctor order him to stay off his leg…

Then there’s the issue of my family.  Most of whom think for some reason or another that I’ve left the family simply because I’ve made a different choice for my life, something other than what they wanted for me.  I’ll be honest – I’ve had enough of the snarf.  It just feels childish for grown men and women to insist on a different life path for someone else, someone who may be related to them in some way, but who is also her own person, on her own unique path.  I’m truly upset about it all, because though I’m sure if they discover this blog (or if they are already reading it), they’ll be pissed off at me for blogging about them for the world to read.  I don’t give two shits.  This is my life and my blog, so family, here is something to read about:

STOP assuming.  STOP getting the wrong ideas. If you love me and are concerned about me, I’m not getting that vibe anymore, simply because you are all going about this the entirely wrong way.  I’m through being little miss nice girl.  I’ve had it.  I have so much joy to share with you, if you’d only allow me to share it, but I’m sure, Uncles and Aunts, that you would only take it as yet another reason why Cousins should not be in contact with me.

Perhaps you all think it’s a game, that I’ll come running back to Mommy and Daddy, but you are all so wrong.  I’m done telling you about it, I’m done explaining, I’m done trying to make you understand.  When you do, come see me.  By now you should all know my new address.  But at this point I’m thinking about moving my e-mail address so that only my true supporters will be able to contact me.

My life is my own, not yours…  I’m seriously done feigning that I care about your silly “concerns” which to me equal nothing but MEDDLING.  Think about it, everyone:  If you were 21, my age, doing what you wanted to do, would you have wanted or wanted to even TOLERATE your relatives bitching and moaning and “getting concerned” because it was a different path than they wanted for you?!

Get off your high horse and let me be myself…  Let me live my own life, and STOP trying to control me.

You all know I love you, every single one of you, down to my very bones this love for you burns, but I simply CANNOT handle ANY MORE STRESS than I ALREADY HAVE.

Snarf.

Snarf, indeed.